Secret Santa
By D R Ranger
Secret fucking Santa. We’d done it every year and it was always the same. Cheap, uninspiring gifts shared between people who didn’t give a shit about each other. A waste of time and money.
Of course, Jeremy, my co-worker and closest thing to a best friend, thought this year was going to be the best one yet. That was Jeremy, always annoyingly optimistic, and it was somehow made worse by his smile. He had shoulder length blonde hair that he kept in a pony tail, and I’d never seen a hair on his face, so he must’ve shaved twice a day. One of those “manscaping” types, always trying to look like the photoshopped superstars we saw in magazines. He acted like them too, out on weekends with a gorgeous girl (or two) hanging off him, rubbing his chest like he’s solid gold or some shit.
I was pretty much the opposite. Sure, I needed to have a clean, hygienic look for my job here at Brensell’s Machinery & Parts, but that didn’t stop me spiking my hair and keeping a short, pointy beard. And I didn’t talk much, there was nothing worth saying. I didn’t care about other people’s problems, especially around that time of the year (ho, ho, fucking, ho). Unless you count the increased number of kids that ran around the showroom. I was sick of it. The guys in the front office knew there was machinery out there. It was an accident waiting to happen.
Two weeks prior, Christie had come dancing around each department, announcing “It’s that time of the year again, people! Secret Santa! Pull a name from the hat. If you get your own, put it back and pull another!”
I pulled Jennifer’s name from the hat. I knew nothing about her, despite it being about twelve months since she started. We’d hardly spoken. That was more my choice than hers. God knows how many times she’s tried asking me about my weekend only for me to say “it was shit” so she’d shut up and go away. On second thought, I did know something about her, she never shut the fuck up. Like Jeremy, she had shoulder length blonde hair but it was always loose. She was tall too, about five-ten, five-eleven. I got her a $20.00 gift card. Nothing special. That’s as far as my interest went.
Jeremy stated he got a doozy, and indicated Bob, the sales division manager. Bob was short and plump, and could be seen eating junk food in his office every day. His head was bald and shiny, and as far as bosses went, he was okay, I guess. More concerned about eating three cheeseburgers a day than the success of the business.
The door to our office swung open and Christie stepped in with a joyful pop. “Come on, guys, time to exchange gifts!” Her cheerful, squeaky voice startled me from my day-dream about Lauren, the accounts girl.
Lauren was pretty damn cute. A little clumsy but I liked that about her. She often dressed in a black and white skirt, and her hair was dyed darker than midnight, with a fringe above her green eyes. Apart from Jeremy, she was the only one I’d made an effort to talk to. She was a shy girl, and very rarely seen in our office because she worked upstairs, paying the bills and bugging Bob for receipts (that were often grease stained).
“Did you guys hear me?” Christie asked.
“Yes,” I said, maybe a bit too sternly.
Jeremy was on the phone, but nodded to her in acknowledgement. Bob shut his computer down as he was heading off after ‘the exchange’ for a pub feed with his buddies. Ah, to be the boss. I dropped my pen onto the desk and headed out behind Jeremy, Bob and a giggling Christie through the showroom to the front office.
Christie climbed onto a chair because she was very short. She was also a little plump, brown haired, and would’ve been about forty, forty-five at a guess. Like Jennifer, she worked in administration, but acted like she was a manager. Hence, it was always her going around, squeaking at everyone about all the (apparently) exciting things that were happening at Brensell’s.
There were thirteen of us all up. Five mechanics, five admin staff and three salesmen (me, Jeremy and Bob). We all stood around Christie in a circle. Graham Brensell, the big cheese, stayed in his office with the door closed, talking on the phone. He was a towering man, with brown but greying, wavy hair and large, thick framed glasses. I could’ve been mistaken, but I was pretty sure Graham was a robot, with only one mode: serious. Therefore, he never participated in things like Secret Santa. Lucky bastard.
Christie clapped her hands together and took a deep, excited breath. “Welcome everyone! Are we excited?”
We all murmured, “Yes.”
“This year, Jennifer is going to hand me the gifts, and I’ll read out your names as we go, okay?”
We all murmured “Yes.”
“Here we go!” she squeaked as Jennifer handed her the first gift. “Bob.”
Bob stepped forward and grabbed his gift.
“Probably a how-to guide on selling, hey Bob?” grunted one of the mechanics.
Bob chuckled and said, “Shut up ya dickhead!”
When he opened it, I could see it was a ‘man cave’ themed coaster and placemat set.
“Lauren,” called Christie, and the cute Goth grabbed her present, a small pack of perfume. Not that she needed it, she always smelled beautiful.
As the event progressed, a few of the mechanics got a mixture of beer and Aussie-Rock related gifts. Jennifer got my gift card, which she seemed to like. She winked at me, which was strange for about a minute, if that. Jeremy got the latest Three Foot Samurai album.
“Bryan!” Christie squeaked. Great, it was my turn. I walked up, feeling everyone’s stares burning into me. With a big smile, she handed me an envelope, about the size of printer paper. There was loopy writing on it in a metallic, blue ink: Bryan.
“Go on,” she said, “open it up!”
I slipped my finger underneath the paper flap and ripped opened the parcel. Inside it was a note, and a compact disk.
I held the note up and read it to myself:
Bryan!
I know this must seem unusual, but I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time! Everyone else here thinks you are just an angry, by-the-book man, but I know in your heart you are a softy who just needs to be loved.
So, I’ve finally grown the courage to tell you…
I LOVE YOU!
I have been falling in love with you ever since I started here. I haven’t had the heart to tell you as there are some things about me that you might not like. But maybe you will feel the same way about me if we just give it a go!
To be honest, I’m not ready to say who I am, but you’re smart. My identity is on the disk, hidden in the music. I’m sure you’ll figure it out soon enough. :-)
I look forward to hearing from you.
Love you!
I lowered the note and looked around at everyone. The girls were smiling, the mechanics were staring, and Bob and Jeremy were chatting about something.
“So, what did you get?” asked Christie. I looked at her and stayed silent for a moment.
Was this note from her? Shit, I hoped not.
“Well?” she said.
“Is this some sort of joke?” I asked her.
“What?” she said. “What do you mean?”
“This note. Are you having a joke with me?”
Christie frowned and shook her head.
“What’d you get, Bryan?” Jeremy asked from behind.
“Um, I got a nice letter and a music CD,” I said. I wasn’t going to mention the details of the letter to anyone. It was a prank. I was certain of that.
Christie clapped her hands, right next to me, which made me jump. “Well then, let’s get back to it! Only today and tomorrow before we close!”
Everyone slowly made their way back to their respective areas of work. I was passing back through the showroom when Jeremy jogged up from behind and said, “So, what did the piece of paper say?”
I stopped and pulled it out from my pocket. “Just Merry Christmas and have a good holiday.”
Jeremy sniggered. “You sure mate? You looked like you had been told you only had 24 hours to live.”
“It was just a bit weird, that’s all.”
Jeremy moved a little closer. “In what way?”
“Just weird. You know me, not much of a fan of Christmas.”
I had almost stuffed the note into my pocket when Jeremy snatched it from me.
“Let’s have a look,” he said before he unfolded and read it under his breath. “Do you know who it is?”
“It’s just a prank, Jeremy.”
Jeremy shook his head. “I don’t know, mate. It looks pretty damn genuine to me.”
“Look, we all know that I’m not particularly well liked around here. It’s just someone trying to pull my leg, get me excited over nothing.”
“But what if it isn’t?” Jeremy suggested. “What if someone here really does feel this way about you?”
“I guess it’s possible.”
Jeremy smiled. “So, who do you think it could be?”
As much as I’d told myself it was just some joke, I couldn’t stop myself thinking about it. “I have my theories.”
“Care to share?” he said.
I snatched the note back off him, “Nope,” and walked back into our office. I sat down and moved the mouse to bring the computer out of its sleep.
Jeremy sat in his chair, laid back and tapped his thumbs together. “Come on, who do you think it is?”
I spun around. “Fine. I think it’s Jennifer.”
“Jennifer?” he asked.
“Yes, Jennifer.”
“She’s married you know?”
“Yeah, I know. But she’s always trying to talk to me. And she winked at me.”
Jeremy shook his head. “Nah mate, she’s loyal. I’ve heard her talking about her hubby. Top bloke apparently.”
“You sure?” I said. “She’s been a little flirty with me in the past.”
“Would you give her one?” asked Jeremy mischievously.
“Bloody hell mate,” I said as he started to laugh. “Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a bad looking girl, but she’s too… too – “
“Talkative?” Jeremy suggested.
“Bullseye.” I said.
My heart jumped when the door to the office swung open and the girl of the conversation walked in.
“Um, Bryan,” she said.
“Yeah?”
With a slightly cheeky half grin, Jennifer said, “I feel I have some explaining to do.”
I gave Jeremy a quick glance. Told you.
“I did something I shouldn’t have,” continued Jennifer.
I held the note up in folded form. “So, this was you?”
Jennifer looked at it and shook her head. “No. Why? What is that?”
“You didn’t get me in the Secret Santa?”
“No, I got Lauren.”
“Okay,” I said. “So, what do you need to explain?”
Jennifer smiled. “I, um, coaxed Christie into telling me who got me. Apparently, she peeked at the name you pulled out.”
“Oh, okay. So that’s why you winked at me?”
Jennifer chuckled. “Yep. Thanks for the card! What exactly did you get?”
“A note and a music CD,” I replied dryly.
“What kind of music? Is it Kirk Cathart? I love him. I saw him live once – “
“Sorry, Jennifer, I need to make an important call,” I lied. “Last minute stuff before we close.”
“Oh, yes of course, I was keeping you. My apologies.” She curtsied a bit then left.
The door had just rested to a close when Jeremy bellowed, “See, I told ya, happily married!”
“Yeah, yeah. Fine. But I still think it’s just a joke.”
Jeremy sniggered. “Nah mate, be adventurous for once in ya life. Where’s the disk? Put that into your computer and let’s listen to the first track. Whoever wrote it said their identity is hidden in the songs.”
“Fine,” I said, flatly.
I pulled out the blank, white disk and put it into the disk tray. A window appeared showing four tracks, none of them named. I moved the pointer to the first track and double clicked.
A beat started playing, very bouncy and catchy.
Twisted sheets from what we’d done
Made me feel like I’m someone
You loved me in a way that’s real
And now I find it hard to feel
Your lips are drops of sweetened rain
Your soft red kisses eases pain
But do you see what I can see
That you’re the one who’s right for me
So what if it is wrong? I’ll keep on moving along
With the rhythm of your heart in me
So what if it is wrong? We’ll keep on singing our song
With the rhythm of my heart you’ll see
Oh, you’re black magic
Oh, you’re black magic
“I have never heard this song,” I said.
“It sounds familiar to me. Maybe search the lyrics?” Jeremy suggested.
I opened up Google and typed in what I could remember of them. The result was Wild Adventure by Coldmeat.
“Hey, hey, wait a minute. The lyrics say something about magic,” I said. “Look, black magic.”
“Yeah, so?” said Jeremy.
“A witch. You know? I’m thinking Lauren. She’s gothic.”
Jeremy took a long breath in between his teeth. “I don’t know man, seems like a long shot.”
“Come on, let’s go ask her.”
We stood and headed back through the showroom.
“Still a long shot, mate,” Jeremy said as we reached the stairwell.
“Come on, Jeremy. She’s the cutest girl I’ve met, stop trying to kill my hope.”
Jeremy laughed. “Since when did a pessimistic bastard like you ever have hope for anything.”
I shook my head, walked up the stairs and knocked on the door to Lauren’s office.
“Um… Yes?” her soft voice answered. I opened it and we walked in. Lauren was gently typing away on the keyboard when she looked at me and appeared to shiver. I knew it.
“Oh, hi Bryan. Hey Jeremy. Um, what’s going on?” she said, a little disjointedly, but cute. The way she lowered her head, aware of her quirks, trying to hide, always made me smile.
I looked at Jeremy and took a breath. “I, um, I wanted to talk to you about this letter.”
I handed it to her. She unfolded it but looked very puzzled. “Is this a missed invoice?”
She stopped talking when she started to read it. She didn’t smile. She didn’t do anything.
“I was wondering, was this from you?” I asked.
“Is this what you got from your Secret Santa?”
“Yeah.”
She folded it back up and held it out for me to take. “Um, no. I didn’t get you. I got Christie.”
“Damn.” I said. Out loud. Lauren smiled. Just a little bit.
“Told ya!” Jeremy spouted like mister-fucking-know-it-all.
Lauren stood, knocking over an empty coffee cup. “If it’s okay with you, um, I’m interested in finding out who it is. Do you still have the CD?”
“Yep. It’s in my PC.”
She moved out from behind her desk. “Have you listened to any of it?”
Jeremy chuckled and said, “Just one track. A Coldmeat song called Wild Adventure. Bryan here thought it was you based off that one song.”
I gave him a stern look. Shut the fuck up, dickhead!
“Do you think we could go listen to the other songs? Maybe I can help,” Lauren suggested. Anytime with her was worth braving this mystery for, so I agreed. She moved out from behind her desk, knocking the bin sideways. I smiled.
As we made our way down the stairs, Jeremy said something lightly behind me. “Better be careful of her, mate. Sure, she’s quite now, but there’s some shit going on with her. I promise.”
I turned and looked at Jeremy. “What are you going on about?”
“Look, you’re my mate, right? I’ve been with many, many women,” he indicated Lauren, who was a mere five meters ahead, “and she’s likely to rip your heart out and devour it.”
“Her?”
“Guarantee it.”
I shook my head. “You’re a dickhead, you know that, right?”
Jeremy sniggered. When we returned to the sales office, I fell into my seat, took a deep breath and double clicked on the next track.
This song was very different from the first. It started with a light electric guitar riff, then slammed in with the heavy hook.
I fell out of the sky it’s been a ride, I live again
Things were looking good, as it should
You’ve got the smile of an Angel, spread your wings
I’m just a man trying to figure you out
I’m going down, down, down
With you
A devil woman, she tricks you, with her fire
A devil woman, she’ll hurt you, with her fire
Lauren stood and pointed to the screen. “Wait, I know this song.”
I turned to her. “Yeah, what is it?”
“Devil Woman by a band called Rayne. Well, it’s actually just one guy, but that’s it, I’m certain of it.”
I looked at Jeremy, then back at Lauren. “Any ideas?
Lauren smiled. “Well, Lucinda Brensell took part in this year’s Secret Santa. I’ve heard one or two of the mechanics refer to her as a devil-woman.”
“Lucinda? Graham’s wife? She’s like sixty-five!”
Jeremy burst out with laughter. “Oh no! A cougar has caught the scent of our boy Bryan!”
“No, it’s not her. Okay?”
“I know man, but what a thought!” said Jeremy clapping his hands.
Lauren shook her head slowly. “The song talks about fire. Lucinda is a heavy smoker.”
“Fuck. Okay, for the sake of solving this damn thing, I’ll go ask her.” As I stood, so did Jeremy.
“Man, there’s no way I’m missing out on this,” he said. Lauren stood too, the slightest cheeky smile gracing her soft, white face.
We all made our way back to the main office, and saw Lucinda talking to Graham with the door closed. Graham looked pissed. They were arguing over something. Shit, maybe it was her, and he’d found out. I was dead.
Lucinda threw her hands in the air and stormed out of his office, through the main entrance and into the customer carpark. She pulled out a cigarette and lit it up.
Jeremy sneaked up behind me. “Now’s your chance, toy boy.”
Lauren let out a slight chuckle.
I gave him the middle finger and walked through the main entrance to the carpark. The smoke coming from Lucinda ‘the chimney’ almost made me gag.
“Well, hello there!” she bellowed in a gravelly voice. I cringed.
“Hi Lucinda, how are you?”
She moaned and said, “Pretty good now, thank you.”
I almost gag. “Hey, um, weird question. Did you write me a letter?”
She smiled and flicked her cigarette. “Yeah.”
I almost vomited at her response, but I managed to add, “A letter about songs?”
She chuckled. “Oh, I thought you asked ‘are you feeling better.’ No, love, don’t know anything about a letter with songs.”
Oh, thank the almighty Lord in Heaven. “Thanks. Seeya,” I said before getting out of there as quickly as possible.
I walked back into the main office and Lauren asked, “So, was I right?”
“No, thank goodness.”
“So, what now?” Jeremy asked.
I shrugged. “I guess we go back and listen to the next song.”
Jeremy chuckled and shook his head. “Damn, would’ve been hilarious if it was Lucinda, though.”
“Bryan Cabram!” said a deep, authoritarian voice from across the office. It was Graham. “Step into my office, now.”
“Ooooh,” said Jeremy. “Someone’s in trouble.”
Lauren had a worried look on her face.
“Now, Bryan,” Graham thundered, then walked back into his office. The admin staff watched on in confusion. I walked in between their desks to Graham’s office. He closed the door behind me, sat down and pulled a disgusted look.
“What’d she tell you?” he asked.
“What? Who?”
“Lucinda, what did she tell you?”
I shook my head. “Nothing, other than she feels better for having a smoke.”
“So, she didn’t mention… our problem?”
“What problem?”
“Lucinda found out she’s…”
Graham fell silent, then cleared his throat, stood up and walked over to a poster of several different tractors and stared at it. “Let me tell you something about life, Bryan.”
“Um, okay?”
He took a deep breath and said, “Take women. It’s okay when the relationship is in its early stages. They just want to see you happy, make you feel like a king.”
“Sounds good,” I said.
“It is. Well, was. They are only nice because they feel like they have freedom to do whatever they want. You introduce something that threatens that, and they change.”
I had no idea what the fuck he was on about. Graham then walked over to a filing cabinet next to me. “They’ll start to pick you apart, like you’re a patchwork blanket with exposed stitches. They pick you apart, stitch by stitch, until you’re nothing but a pile of worthless, lifeless shit.”
“Sounds terrible,”
“Oh yes, terrible indeed. See, now I think about men. Fellows like you and I, we know the score from the get go, don’t we?”
“Um, I guess so?”
Graham moved closer, the fly of his trousers about half a foot from my head.
“Us men, we know what each other is thinking, don’t we?
I had no idea what he was thinking. Graham put his hands on his waist. “We could all do without women. I think, if anything, men like us would be better off with each other. Don’t you think, Bryan?”
My heart was pounding like jungle drums in my head.
“Ah, don’t let me get you down, Bryan. I needed to vent.”
My heart sprung up in relief. “Sure, no problem,” I replied. I remembered Lucinda in the carpark. I didn’t realise it at the time, but she was rubbing her stomach.
“Oh,” I said, “I understand now.”
“Yes. You can see our problem? We’re in our sixties and God-damnit, can’t she put that damn cigarette out?”
“What about relatives? Is there someone who could help?”
“Possibly. Thanks Bryan.” Graham walked past me and opened the door. “Look, have yourself a great Christmas, understand?”
“Thanks. You too,” I said, knowing full well becoming a father at sixty-five would be the only thing on his mind.
Jeremy and Lauren were chatting where I left them.
“You alright, mate?” asked Jeremy.
“Yeah, I’m okay. Graham’s having a hard time. But he made me consider something.”
“Consider what?” asked Jeremy.
“The letter and the clues. I never thought it could be from a guy.”
“You sure?” asked Lauren.
I pulled the letter from my pocket and unfolded it. “Well, the writing definitely looks feminine.”
“Wait,” Lauren said, “it says there that this person loved you from the moment they started here.”
“You’re right.”
“So, who started here after you did, what, five years ago?” asked Jeremy.
“Yeah, five years ago. Well, Bob was here when I started. Jeremy, you started about three years ago. Christie was here before me. So were you, Lauren. Lucinda has been here for years and years. That leaves Jennifer, Shaz, and the two mechanics, Craig and Billy.”
Lauren looked across to Shaz, one of the admin girls that worked with Christie and Jennifer. “Maybe it’s her.”
“Well,” said Jeremy, “she’s just as whiny and bitchy as Bryan. Still a stretch, though.”
I threw my hands into the air. “Nope, I’m not gonna even bother. I’m right, this is just some practical joke they are all pulling on me. I’m going back to work.”
Jeremy placed his hand on my shoulder. “Wait, hold up. Let’s at least listen to the next song and go from there.”
“Fine. But if it makes no sense, this game is over. No more bugging me to keep going, okay?”
Jeremy put his hands up like he had a gun pointed at him. “Sounds like a fair compromise, mate.”
We arrived back at my desk, the tracks still on the screen. I double clicked on the third track. It started with a light guitar melody.
There’s something about me
Something you can’t see
I’m making a promise
That we’re meant to be
Within these walls I sit
Wondering about you
I dream about something
I could never do
And so I make a compromise, till I despise the very thought
Of being without you right now
Given the chance to make you see what I’d do
What I’ve been through, maybe you’d love me right now
“Yep, I have no idea who sings this, what it’s called, or what it means.”
Lauren pointed to the screen. “Um, sorry Bryan, can I just?”
“Sure”
“There was a part there, something like ‘what I’ve been through,”’ said Lauren. “It could be Shaz. She’s been through a lot. An abusive boyfriend.”
“No, it’s not Shaz. She hates me, probably more than everyone else here combined.”
“Or, like the letter says, she can see a softness in your heart?” Lauren suggested.
I looked at Jeremy who cocked his head and shrugged, then I closed my eyes and conceded. “Okay, it’s possible. She’s the only one left, other than the mechanics and I’m sure as shit not going there.”
We all stood and, for the millionth time, went to the main office. Shaz was sitting with her brown hair in a tight pony tail, head in her hand, staring at the computer screen. Lauren and Jeremy stayed back as I approached her like a landmine and stood carefully to her side.
“Um, hey, Shaz.”
“My name is Sharon.”
“Sorry, Sharon. This might come across weird, but did you write me a letter, hide your identity on a CD?”
Sharon looked up at me and narrowed her eyes. “Are you on drugs? Or maybe you forgot to take them, I can’t seem to tell.”
“I’ll take that as a no,” I said.
“Good, now leave me alone.”
Sharon went back to staring at her screen. I almost just walked away. Almost.
“Sharon, is everything okay?”
“No, it’s not. I just want to be alone.”
Maybe it was what Graham had told me, but what I said next felt weird and right at the same time.
“Don’t deal with it alone. There’ll be someone out there who’ll listen.”
Sharon kept typing and I walked away. Then I heard her voice, a little softer this time. “Thanks.”
“Not her, I take it?” asked Lauren.
I shook my head.
Jeremy put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Well, there’s one track left on the CD. Let’s listen to it, just for a laugh, yeah?”
“Sure. Why not? I don’t have a job to do or anything.”
Lauren chuckled slightly. I looked at her and smiled, and she smiled back.
Jeremy shrugged and said, “Besides, the way you have been bugging people around here, they probably think you’re sick.”
“They already do,” I replied. Jeremy laughed.
Sitting at my desk again, I double clicked on the fourth, and final track. Jeremy watched on, smiling. Lauren placed both of her hands on her lap. The song started with a funky guitar, then blasted into a brutal heavy metal riff.
Sit down and shut up
And hear what I say
I’m here for music
So you better play
Turn up the bass, bitch
And learn your place
This tune’s made for rocking
Till we get sick, hey
All this darkness and all this light
Waring inside through the night
All of this hatred is growing too thick
Without music I’m sick
Jeremy was lightly head banging and mouthing the lyrics as the song progressed. I couldn’t blame him. It was pretty catchy. But again, it was another song I didn’t know. I dropped my hand onto the desk and leaned back.
“I’ve got no idea,” I said.
“Pretty cool song though,” Jeremy said. Lauren started lightly bopping along too.
I adjusted my keyboard and started typing. “Screw it, I’m looking up the lyrics.”
The results said Sick by Three Foot Samurai. That explained why Jeremy was singing along, he loved that band. He even got their latest album for his Secret Santa gift. I leaned back again and exhaled. Then I realised something and shuddered.
I turned to Jeremy and said, “It’s you.”
“What?” said Lauren. Jeremy just smiled.
“The letter, the songs. They’re from you, aren’t they?”
Jeremy laughed. Perhaps I was wrong, but I wasn’t going to give up on my assumption easily. I searched in Google what I could remember of the previous song’s lyrics.
The results said Compromise by Kirk Cathart. I pointed to the screen and said to both Lauren and Jeremy, “Compromise. The previous song was Devil Woman by Rayne, and the one before that, the first track, was Wild Adventure by Coldmeat.”
“So?” said Jeremy.
I turned around and looked him in the eye. “Before I even put the CD into the computer, you said ‘be adventurous.’ Then we listened to a song called Wild Adventure. After that you warned me about,” I looked at Lauren and ensured I didn’t say her name, “a girl, and said she’s an angel now, but there’s some shit going on with her. Then we listened to a song called Devil Woman.”
Lauren looked at Jeremy who was still chuckling to himself. “Um, he’s laughing, Bryan. Maybe you’re wrong?”
I ignored her and said, “Then you said something about a compromise, and the next song was called Compromise. And then you said everyone here probably thinks I’m sick. That last song, was not only called Sick, but was performed by your favourite band.”
Jeremy laughed. “Wow, you’ve got an interesting take on it, detective.”
“No offence to you Jeremy,” said Lauren, “but I’ve seen him with more women than anyone else here.”
“But how else could Jeremy know what songs are on the CD, as well as their order.”
Lauren pointed towards the main office. “It must be someone else – “
“No, Lauren,” said Jeremy, no smile on his face, “he’s figured it out.”
Lauren and I both said at the same time, “What?”
Jeremy looked down at his hand as he fiddled with one of his rings. “It’s-it’s always been me.”
“Let me get this right,” I said. “You are,” I cleared my throat, “in love with me?”
“I know it’s probably stupid,” he said, then looked me in the eye, “but, yes. Yes I am.”
Lauren sat silent with her mouth open.
I shook my head. “No, I’ve seen you with gorgeous girls. Like, a different one every weekend.”
Jeremy chuckled. “All escorts. All to trick my father, and everyone else he knows.”
“But you are always going on about the crazy things you and the girls do.”
“It’s not hard to make shit up, Bryan,” he said.
I looked at Lauren, who managed to close her mouth but still had wide eyes fixed to Jeremy.
He grinned and said, “So, Bryan, what do you think? You want to give it a crack?”
I looked around the office, but not for anything in particular. I didn’t know how to answer the question. Then I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Jeremy, but I’m not… I’m not gay.”
Jeremy dropped his head but maintained his grin. “I know, mate. I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t ask. But, can you help me with something?”
“Sure,” I said.
“I can’t go on living this lie. I can’t pretend to be a charismatic womanizer for a second more. I feel like I’ve been acting in some role for my entire life. Do you think you could help me tell my father?”
I looked at Lauren and she looked at me. She nodded slightly.
“Sure thing,” I said to him.
“Are we still mates?” he asked.
“Jeremy I’ll always be your mate.”
Jeremy stood, gave me a hug out of nowhere, and whispered into my ear, “Thanks, mate. I’ve felt alone for my whole life.”
I patted his back. “You’re not alone anymore mate.”
The End